Kissing my cat's ass

CHAPPED LIPS
Dry, irritated, cracked and painful. The winter wind really does a job on my lips. I get all kinds of advice. Here are some recommendations for preventing chapped lips:
Avoid going out in dry, cold weather (OK I just stay indoors and play Nintendo for fourteen weeks)
Keep the air in your home humid.
Use a sunscreen on your lips when outside in sunny weather. (I use my wife's and she's got this fruity stuff that tastes great)
Don't lick your lips and don't let anyone else lick them either!
Avoid excessive sun exposure.
Drink additional fluids in winter months (hmmmm I've always preferred whiskey)and stop smoking ( Riiiiiight).
All great advice Thanks for the help, really, but the only thing I have to do is to find a way to keep me from licking my lips.

P.S. I love old stale tasteless humor.