Blonde Dyke Bars

Here I am again, trying to live up to my my mentor by doing my best to stretch out this Memterview for as long as I can and milk it for as many comments as you folks are willing to give. The title of today's post is intended to produce more hits from perverted Google surfers and of course, blonde dykes. You can never have enough blonde dykes in your life.

This is question number 5. What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Are you kidding me, lime? Why didn't you just ask me to do your laundry for a week?
I would have gladly been your domestic slave servant than have to answer this query.Well, now I know what this idiot would do and Hell yeah, I would too for a cool $100,000!

I don't know what I would do for a Klondike bar, but I definitely got knowledge of what I would do in a Klondike bar. Before I actually enter said bar I would have to head on over to Lumberjack -N- Oil rigger Outfitters and get myself the appropriate duds. Then a quick hop over to Grizzley's Aromarama for a thorough saturation in bear musk, machine oil, sweat and essence of uncleaned outhouse. The way to spot a tenderfoot is by his unnatural cleanliness and the lingering sweet smell of Dove soap. Once I have ingratiated myself with the locals by drinking the local lemonade and line dancing, I would begin my search for Mrs Right-now.
Through the smoke filled room amongst the hardy weather worn workmen and fur trappers I would spot her, sitting at a corner table with her back to the wall dealing straight poker to Eskimos and opening beer bottles with her teeth. I would casually walk up to her and ask her for a cigarette then lighted a match on the three day old peach bristle that graced her bovine upper lip. Before her anger could rise I offer her a rohypitini AKA Panty remover, my favorite cocktail. We spent the rest of the evening reminiscing about folks we had never met and discussed the future of walrus ranching-coo coo ka choo!

When I finally get my little snow bunny back to her igloo we spend hour after hour watching the perpetual sunset. As the frosted feelings of romance flare and the hot embers of lust start to melt the walls around us I am givin enough lovin for four lifetimes!

The best thing about going into a Klondike bar is leaving with some Eskimo Pie!

Another Brick in The Wal-mart.

In "Lost in Translation", What did Bill Murray whisper in Scarlett Johansen's ear?

Before I actually answer this question there are a few things that need to be addressed and since I am not the type of person who shirks responsibility lightly, (You can blame my parents for that, good people. I was raised by a Jew and a Sicilian, so guilt and shame were the foundations of my upbringing.) I need to thank all of you who continue to visit even when I do not reciprocate. That will be changing in the weeks to come now that Prozac is legal here in Lilliput.
I also want to thank Lime for not only providing me with an enormous ego boost, but also with a new pair of socks. The old pair are getting kinda thin at the heels. I only hope she realizes that I have size thirteen feet annnnd that the postage to send them to Japan will cost roughly the same as a meal for a starving family of four in Somalia or Angola or maybe Detroit.

Now lets get back to Japan or more importantly to Mr. Bill Murray and the whisper. There are so many things I like about Bill, I will refer to him on a first name basis from now on, that I would like to forget about this movie altogether and gather a group of emotionally retarded cohorts together to have a toga party to give thanks to John Belushi for if I didn't find him so damned hilarious on SNL, I never would have discovered ol' Billy boy- yes, I understand the diminutive is pushing things a bit here, but what the heck, it's my blog. You don't have to speak Japanese or live in Japan to understand what Bob Harris Whispered. That's because he was whispering in English. Yet If we take a good look at many of the films that Bill has starred in I am willing to bet it was something inane and quite possibly connected to either rodents, drugs or getting slimed.
Truth be told, Bill Murray is a fine actor, capable of serious, thought provoking roles as well as the side splitting characters that have made him famous. Now There is one film, one tale, that has gone unnoticed by many of Bill's fans: "The Razors Edge".
The movie was panned by critics when it was released in 1984. This happens to many comedic actors who try to break from what the public expects of them. I have always thought this particular film to be quite possibly the most underrated movie of all time. So much so that; I would rather hear what Larry Darrell would have whispered to Sophie if he had the chance.

"I thought Sophie was my reward for leading a good life. But you know what?
There is no reward for leading a good life."

The House of the Rising Sun

Here is my response to the second of five questions asked by Lime. They really are tough ones so I don't want to just peel off a frivolous answer just to fulfil my Memterview obligations.
This is the second question: What part of life in Japan do you love most? What part of life in the USA do you miss most?

As many of you have noticed, I am a little long winded and have a tendency to overcomplicate things that ordinary people handle in a straightforward manner. The question looks simple yet it offers myriad avenues for me to choose from. Shall I discuss the sights and sounds of my adopted home or shall I espouse upon the changes Japan has had upon me or will I be more pragmatic and tell you about the simple life I lead. It's not so easy.
What do you think of when you envision Japan? Is it a high-tech wonderland of neon, flashy gizmos and steaming bowls of noodles or do you see Geisha walking down lantern lighted lanes with Samurai at their sides. Is it a world of Judo and fast cars; of international business cartels and an incomprehensible sense of politeness and honor? It's all that and more. I like this place for all the good things, the silly things, the puzzling and outrageously frustrating things, but I like it most for all it has shown me about myself. In order to live here I had to tear down the walls of prejudice and ignorance and learn to learn again. I created a new and deeper value system for myself that had nothing to do with my own personal achievement, but rather on the effect I had on the world and folks around me. I had to realize that there are many ways to achieve the same objective and no two countries or people go about it in the same way. Yes I knew these things in my head and with my intellect, but feeling them in your bones is quite a different thing. I love the life I live because I have to work so damn hard to get it. In America things would have been a lot easier for me and I might not have valued it as much.

Plus the women are so damn HOT here!!!
A gift for Grant


The country, and especially the city of my birth is still the sweetest place I can imagine and there are times when I come back I feel that maybe "This time I'll stay for good", but I don't.
Before I tell you about the thing I miss most I would like to mention the one thing that I don't miss at all: Americans have a horrible habit of passionately stating their opinions as if they were cold hard facts. Now the irony of saying this is not lost on me. I am an American who has always said what he believes and I love this country even at times when it doesn't act in the most responsible and honorable way.
As far as countries go we' re special; ours is a land that is based on principles and ideas that before our forefathers applied them, they only existed as abstract ideas and ideals. Then again let's not forget that were still pretty new at this, two hundred thirty some odd years is not a whole helluva lot of time when you compare us to other nations. There are festivals here in Japan that are older than that.
So, what is it exactly that I miss about the USA?
I'll have to supply two answers to that query: 1. My family and 2. The food!
My god do I miss the glorious food of home. I can circle the globe just by walking into the multitude of restaurants that serve us gastronomical delicacies. In New York alone I can enjoy Cinco de Mayo in a Tapas bar or lift a stein of lager in a gasthaus during Oktoberfest, enjoy a funnel cake at a street fair and even celebrate San Gennaro with an eppie roll and plenty of wine.
The feasting and cornucopia of the United States is unmatched by any other country. Forget the fast food restaurants, it's only called fast food 'cause it speeds you on your way to the grave, take a road trip through the amazing, if not always gourmet fare that feeds the nation. The chillis of the southwest and fresh apple pie in Washington. Cheddar cheese in Wisconsin and Pralines in New Orleans don't forget to include a dirty water dog on the Coney island boardwalk.
Don't live to eat. Eat to live and live well. You have the best of everything, America. Majestic mountains. Thundering rivers. Cities that hold some of the most beautiful architecture and an amazing panoply of people from all over the world. You have it all, but I miss your food the most.

The end of the all that's good with blue cheese dressing on the side.

There has been a request to suspend the answering of the interview questions in their assigned order and to jump forward to a specific question and reply to that before I post my replies to the others. That puts a slight kink in things for I was all ready to post my answer question #2
Oh well, that will give all that much more time to fool around during the week to come.
Here is the question: An evil mastermind is going to destroy the world unless you can stop him her. You are armed with a spoon, a rubber chicken, a can of Aquanet, and a bucket of peanuts. What is your plan?

Here is my impromptu, shoot from the hip, response in the form of some frivolous pulp fiction.

It was eighteen years ago to the day. I remember it clearly, who wouldn't. After all, I had saved the world. You say preposterous? You've never heard of this before? Well just sit back, refill your glass and let me fill you in on all the inane details.
It's not under the purview of the general public to be privy to the classified double top secret information of an evil mastermind society that attempts to destroy the world once every four years somewhat like the Olympics or a presidential election, but without the medals, the sweat and the pomp of the opening ceremony.
Most often the hero perishes in his defence of the world. I didn't. This is the how and the why.
The odd. The follicley challenged. The neurotic and those with a penchant for peanuts are not often received as saviors of the earth, but that is exactly what happened.
I was workin a Sunday afternoon shift in the bar and things were quiet. I was passing the time by nibbling on peanuts and making silly faces while studying my reflection on the backside of a spoon. It was at the moment when all is almost quiet. The jukebox was between songs and only the subtle whir of the overhead fan could be heard. when the eerie silence was shattered by trouble pushing through the swinging door. She was tall. She was exotic. She wore a trench coat. I thought to myself; "of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine" (Sorry Bogie). I quickly slipped the spoon into my back pocket, replaced the lid on the ginormous bucket of salty nuts and proceeded to look busy by polishing a glass that needed no polishing.
The woman sauntered up to the bar and ordered a Pellegrino. I served her a whiskey, neat. She knocked it back and asked for another, a double and I knew I was in trouble. If she was the evil genius then this time around the world was in trouble. I didn't want to destroy her- I wanted to join her. The forces of evil had chosen well.
I had to find a way to prevent her from transferring the vital final information to her minions. I had to think fast. I remembered that the bartender from previous night had left a can of hairspray the infamous brand called Aquanet on a shelf in the locker room. This gave me an idea. I filled the she devil's glass once again and lifting the bucket of nuts I told her I needed to refill the bucket for the evenings festivities.
Making my way into the back I kept up a steady stream of patter while at the same moment I whipped out the spoon from my back pocket and punctured the can of hairspray with the back end of it. I then jammed the can of Aquanet into the bucket of salty, thirst inducing goober beans.
Returning to the bar, I challenged my nemesis to a game of chance. For every peanut she caught I would pay her the price of a drink or pour her one. Being an egomaniac destroyer of worlds who looked at the rest of us as nothing more than insects, she could hardly refuse my offer. I made the first few fairly easy to bolster her feelings of superiority, but then I started to make things more and more difficult by firing the hairspray covered peanuts from my spoon in rapid succession into her inviting mouth. After a few minutes of this she was way up on the count. Her ego wouldn't let her believe that a simple bartender could be tricking her. In a short time the hair spray had done it's job. She was unable to either swallow the nuts I had fired into her mouth nor could she expectorate for the glue that has held up the hairdos of millions of American women throughout three decades of beehive bouffants and Farrah Fawcett look alike styling would not allow any movement from her molars. My timing could not have been more perfect for just as the enamel was setting; her contact was coming throughout the door. As he ordered a bottle of Amstel Light I reached under the counter and pulled out the lead filled rubber chicken that was kept there for comedy self defense. I just happened to be teaching a class at the local university for nerds who needed protection and had reason to carry the innocuous object. Holding the bottle of beer in one hand I swung the chicken through the air not once, but twice! On the first stroke I laid out the contact. The second felled the girl. I carried her to the back room and alerted the agency. They arrived and took the man away. The world was saved with one stroke of my chicken (cough). As for the girl? Well let's just say she woke up next to a bartender and had a mouthful of nuts to chew on.

A spoon, a rubber chicken, a can of Aquanet, and a bucket of peanuts. is all you need to save the world and find a girl.

Enquiring minds want to know.

For those of you who just can't get through the checkout line in the supermarket without buying or at the very least glossing through the latest gossip rag I have succumbed to the recent Memeterview that has been meandering from blog to blog. How could I not? When someone as insightful, zany and fun as Lime makes an offer to interview you; it's just as if Brando had made it. And awwaaaaaay we go...

1. What took you to Japan and what has kept you there?

Well, I guess I can tell the truth since the statute of limitations has run out...Just joking.
In all honesty I just got sick and tired of all the bullshit that constantly surrounds you in New York, yet there is one event that added one, if not the final, proverbial straw.
Before I left the city I was a bartender/ night manager of the Border Cafe. A Tex-Mex restaurant on Broadway and 105 st. in Manhattan. It was a nasty place to work. The owner was always dodging one supplier or another to avoid paying his bills. The staff, all really good people, would always be a little nervous around Friday cuz we weren't sure we were getting paid. I busted my ass in that place and turned it from a dog tired restaurant filled with cheap- skate losers into a real hopping bar with live music every week, happy hour and a football pool. Any girl who came in and donated a bra she had was wearing at the time drank for free. (Gimme a break. I was 25 fer chrissake.) We tacked up the bras and some baseball hats that were donated by some customers above the bar and made the place look fun.
The thing put an end to the party and caused me to finally throw in the towel was the Owner's girlfriend. She worked behind the bar two or three times a week, but was completely useless. Mr. Boss man would sit at the end of the bar and they would incessantly bicker about everything, and I mean everything! One night, after a heated argument, she walked off in a huff and when she came back a couple of hours later I told her to fuck off. I said I didn't need a bitch who shafts me by leaving me stranded on a Friday night. I think I called her a fat bitch and it really ticked her off. At the time I didn't give two shits.
I had been dealing with all kinds of scumbags. I'd had knives pulled on me. I was forced to cajole competing coke dealers into putting their pieces in brown paper bags which I kept under the bar while they were drinking or I wouldn't serve them. I had to be a bouncer as well 'cuz the boss was too cheap to hire a doorman. I hated that. It was the most distasteful part of the business. Then there were usual fuckers who would try to skip out on a bill or stiff you on a huge tab.
So I called her a bitch and I lost my job- I lost my patience as well.

Two months later I was in Japan!

Now the fact that in eighteen years I have only seen a handful of fights, and I can count the ones I have been involved in on one hand, is reason enough to stay in this place, but aside from that; it is the constant puzzlement I receive from an adventure in a place so diametrically opposed to the city of my birth. Just click on anything in my archives to see what I mean.

I'll tackle the next question in a few days time.

Anyone got a pony, a Shetland pony?

I want to start things off by giving everyone a great big thanks for responding to my request. I know that it is often troublesome to go the extra mile for a person and I really appreciate it. The avatars look amazing!
I Feel as if I have been away for a very long time. For the most part I have been doing the usual juggling trick we all strive to master.>Have you ever seen, read, or heard about something and you thought to yourself 'Damn, I wish I had thought of that'. That's how I felt this morning when I saw this: Naked Man.
I talk to many different people in the course of a week and hear all sorts of unusual stories. This doesn't count the blogs I read and the fun things you folks have to say. On the odd occasion I like to do silly quizzes, memes and just plain fool around. It's kinda like watchin one of the Die Hard movies. I just leave my brain on the shelf and let Hollywood and Bruce take me for a ride.
Are you ready? Buckle up because I am...

John Wayne

You scored 57% Tough, 19% Roguish, 24% Friendly, and 0% Charming!

You, my friend, are a man's man, the original true grit, one tough talking, swaggering son of a bitch. You're not a bad guy, on the contrary, you're the ultimate good guy, but you're one tough character, rough and tumble, ready for anything. You call the shots and go your own way, and if some screwy dame is willing to accept your terms, that's just fine by you. Otherwise, you'll just hit the open trail and stay true to yourself. You stand up for what you believe and can handle any situation, usually by rushing into the thick of the action. You're not polished and you're not overly warm, but you're a straight shooter and a real stand up guy. Co-stars include Lauren Bacall and Maureen O'Hara, tough broads who can take care of themselves.


I just can't believe that I am Marion Michael Morrison sure I like to walk around as if I am bow legged, but that is to attract women who have a similar affliction

I love to go swimmin with bow legged wimmin and swim between their legs, swim between their legs, swim between their legs...http://www.boingboing.net/2008/10/07/naked-man-from-spain.html

Now If the darned test had said I was Groucho that would have made me smile. Groucho would know what to do with this next lot: this is a list of words the Collins English Dictionary (I never heard of Collins, I use Oxford and Webster's.) wants to discard to make room for about 2,000 new entries.

Abstergent: Cleansing
Agrestic: Rural
Apodeictic: Unquestionably true by virtue of demonstration
Caducity: Perishableness
Caliginosity: Dimness
Compossible: Possible in coexistence with something else
Embrangle: To confuse
Exuviate: To shed
Fatidical: Prophetic
Fubsy: Squat
Griseous: Somewhat grey
Malison: A curse
Mansuetude: Gentleness
Muliebrity: The condition of being a woman
Niddering: Cowardly
Nitid: Bright
Olid: Foul-smelling
Oppugnant: Combative
Periapt: An amulet
Recrement: Refuse
Roborant: Tending to fortify
Skirr: A whirring sound, as of the wings of birds in flight
Vaticinate: Prophesy
Vilipend: To treat with contempt

I thought a paragraph containing all or most of these words would be just a hair left of overkill, so I will entreat you to utilise these nonclementure in your comments for this post. Good luck!

Now I got this one from Lime who got it from someone else and she did such a cool job on it that I just had to steal it. Come to think of it, recently I am often taking her memes and of course there are regulations that must be adhered to:

The rules: A) Go to Music Outfitters.
B) In the search function, enter the year you graduated from high school. Get the list of the 100 most popular songs of that year.
C) Bold face the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate, and underline or italicize your favorite.
D)Do nothing to those you don’t remember or don’t care about.
I will alter the rules to suit my particular peccadilloes.

1.Physical, Olivia Newton-John ACK! I can't believe this was #1
2.Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor Double puke! I am having Sylvester Stallone flashbacks. This is why Bush got to stay in the white house for eight years.

3.I Love Rock N' Roll, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts- This is a cool song!
4.Ebony And Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder Strike the whole damned thing. This was a year of sappy moral turpitude.
5. Centerfold, J. Geils Band- Yes! This was a good tune. No matter when I hear ot I will get completely jazzed.
6. Don't You Want Me, Human League- Passable fluff.
7. Jack And Diane, John Cougar- This one just does the job. The chorus is "real"
8. Hurts So Good, John Cougar
9. Abracadabra, Steve Miller Band- Anything by this man just rocks my world. I love all of his music
10. Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago- blah
11. Tainted Love, Soft Cell- They were gay or possibly ghey.
12. Chariots Of Fire, Vangelis- what was it with this tune. Arrrgggghhh! made me want to scratch my ass.
14. Rosanna, Toto Crap!
15. I Can't Go For That, Daryl Hall and John Oates- OK I'm ghey, I liked this one, No can do...

What the fuck is this music? I don't recognize half of this crap!
19. Waiting For A Girl Like You, Foreigner- Best thing about Foreigner: Went to one of their concerts and saw Johnny Winter blow them away!!!!! Yeoooouch!

21. The Sweetest Thing, Juice Newton- What the fuck kind of name is that?
22. Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson Yeah, righteous!
23. Shake It Up, Cars- I actually liked the Cars a lot more than the Police during High School
25. We Got The Beat, Go-Go's- No, Nonononononononoonno! The damned hook is stuck in my head. Get It out!!!!
26. The Other Woman, Ray Parker Jr. Is this the guy who did Ghostbusters? I liked that one.
30. Who Can It Be Now?, Men At Work- This one grabbed me. And I will forever be embarrassed by the fact.

Did I take too much blotta this particular year and miss out on almost every hit tune???????

36. Leather And Lace, Stevie Nicks and Don Henley No way! These two did not team up.
40. Heat Of The Moment, Asia- Bad song listened to it anyway. (I am a big fan of Yes)
44. Private Eyes, Daryl Hall and John Oates. Like I said. I like these guys
47. Love's Been A Little Bit Hard On Me, Juice Newton This dope had two hits in one year?
48. Young Turks, Rod Stewart- He'd done much better, but this was passable
49. Freeze-frame, J. Geils Band- I just got rid of the hook the Go-Go's put in my head.
51. Do You Believe In Love, Huey Lewis and The News
56. Hooked On Classics, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra- Why does this sound familiar?
57. Wasted On The Way, Crosby, Stills and Nash- Not their best, but...
60. Personally, Karla Bonoff- Wait her name is Bone Off?
62. Blue Eyes, Elton John
63. Our Lips Are Sealed, Go-Go's- If their lips had been sealed, they never would have been signed.
67. I Ran, A Flock Of Seagulls- Um, Yeah, OK say whatever you want. I deserve it.
73. Don't Stop Beleivin', Journey- Shit, plain and simple
78. Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts- Awesome tune!
79. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Police- Addictive and goddamned cute when you are thinking about a girl you like.
81. I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald??? I must've forgotten
82. Get Down On It, Kool and The Gang- Shut the fuck up! it's a good song.
84. Make A Move On Me, Olivia Newton-John-??? No thanks, skank.
88. (Oh) Pretty Woman, Van Halen- Absolutely a song that moves you. No matter who covers it.
89. Should I Do It, Pointer Sisters???
90. Hot In The City, Billy Idol- This guy can make insurance salesmen rock
94. Waiting On A Friend, Rolling Stones- An unbelievable tune. Why it is this far down on the list has me puzzled.
96. Working For The Weekend, Loverboy- Catchy tune but quickly forgettable.
98. Arthur's Theme, Christopher Cross- Oh how I hate this shitty tune
100. Edge Of Seventeen, Stevie Nicks- Hmmmm not good-not bad

I guess that this was a whole lotta meme stuff. If you actually read all of this you deserve an award. Go directly to someones blog and boos the one that tickles your fancy. I'll back up your story that you got it from me.

Note: This post has been edited for readability. There were so many songs that I didn't know that I just deleted them. They don't deserve space on my pages. At least the putrid got a rise out of me

I bid you adieu.

If you've got a problem

with crows...

" Scarecrow Festival"

This strange fellow's face is made from scrub brushes

Too bad it was a rainy day. Must be hard to breathe in there.

Can you tell which one is the scarecrow?

Gratuitous sex scene, enjoy!

Some of these creations are truly bizarre.

Munch-munch-munch.

This one was truly spooky.

I don't think he's gonna scare anyone.

Gone fishin'.
Be back in an hour or so.

You know how these things work.
I stole this from Lime who got it from another blogger who recieved it or created it or some such thing la di da.

This is the "Finish the sentence with the 1st thought that comes to your mind" meme.

I know....that there is still much that I remain ignorant of
I believe...in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent(not really), overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
I fought....way too much when I was younger.
I am angered....by everything these days
I love...for the sake of love.
I need...a breather
I take...it where I can get it
I hear... ya, baby. I hear ya!
I drink...the finest of whiskies every chance I get
I hate...stubidity
I use...a #2 pencil when doodling
I want...wealth beyond the dreams of avarice
I like...long stemmed American Beauty roses
I feel...fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine...repeat
I wear...boxers
I left...a whole lotta shit behind me
I do...everything once. If I like it I do it again!
I hope...I am not fucking things up too badly
I dream....a little dream of you
I drive...people crazy all the time
I listen...or at least I try to.
I type...like a pregnant duck!
I think....I am the best damned thing since instant noodles
I wish...you were here
I am...the walrus koo koo ka choo
I regret...I didn't tell her just how much I love her.
I care...about people.
I should...start thinking about my retirement.
I said...what I said and I MEANT it!!!
I wonder.... what's on the other side.
I changed...the side of the road I drive on when I moved here.
I cry...whenever its appropriate.
I lose... a couple of gazillion of brain cells every day.
I leave...no stone unturned.




This is the "Finish the sentence with the first WORD that comes to mind" meme.

Where is your cell phone? right next to me
Your significant other? Working out with Wii fit
Your hair? Hair? Fuck you!
Your mother? Gone, but not forgotten
Your father? A bastard of unbelievable proportions (the fruit don't fall far from the treeeeeee!)
Your favorite thing? My thing
Your dream last night? Best forgotten
Your favorite drink? Strong
Your dream goal? Immortality
The room you are in? Rectangular
Your ex? Far from my thoughts
Your fear? fucking things up
Where do you want to be in six years? Living
Where were you last night? Dreamscape
What are you not? What I expected I would be
Muffins? Tease!
One of your wish list items? Orgasms by the pound!
Where you grew up? The rotten core of the Big Apple
The last thing you did? Cook a fabulous dinner
What are you wearing? My wedding band
Your TV? Meditating
Your pets? One down and one to go
Your computer? On it's last legs
Your life? Could be better
Your mood? Well, I'm here, ain't I
Missing someone? Why do you ask
Your Car? Awesome
Something you are not wearing? A condom
Favorite store? Golf One
Your summer? Varied and exciting
Like someone? Which do tou mean Am I? or Do I?
Your favorite color? Black. No, Pink No, Black!
When was the last time you laughed? look at yesterday's post.
Last time you cried? Boys don't cry.

Passing the buck-et

Once again I have been tagged. I guess it's because I was lurking too much and not leaving my opinions on a blog that places a great value on them. Maybe I am just an easy target.

I am supposed to elucidate and edify upon eight activities that I would like to participate in and experience before Atropos raises her obdurate shears and finishes off what Lachesis deemed to measure.

Before I expound upon that particular subject I would like to explain that there is, in my experience, no end to the "bucket list" for every new experience often breeds the desire to accomplish yet another act of stupidity or elegance. I reckon there must also be a "fuck it" list as well; for the things we have to do but would prefer not too.

I will just stick to what was requested of me for the time being and get to the other subject at a later date in the near future.
The very first thing that comes to mind is that I wish there were no need for such a list. By that I mean that I would love to enjoy the longevity of of a "Howard"; Lazarus Long to be exact. Now, since that remains a very high improbability, I will get to the task at hand and relate eight specific and singularly personal facts about what I want to do before I perish.

1. World travel: I have not seen nearly enough of this magnificent planet and I spend a part of each and every day thinking about the trips I would like to take and sights I would like to see. The Parthenon, Flavian Amphitheatre, Cheops' Pyramid, Angkor Watt, Ahmad Lahauri's stunning construction, Gaudi's Magnificence as well as rubbing shoulders with the people who live there.

2. Learn to play guitar:I would love to be able to create a full range of mesmerizing music from that instrument. Hard and soft. Sensuous and salty. Bright and rusty.

3. Open a cozy restaurant: I would love to create the perfect space for people to come and enjoy a meal. Live music and no hard alcohol.

4. Play Golf like it ought to be played at all the most beautiful courses.

5. See the results of my labor: As a teacher I am never certain if what I do has a positive effect on my pupils. I am unsure if I am doing it "right". I hope that one day I will feel that my effort has produced something good.

6.Recognition: We all want it in one form or another. The sound of applause directed at me would be wonderful. An ovation would be heaven.


7.Witness a miracle! I don't care what kind of miracle, but I think it would be cool to see God sticking a thumb into the pie.

8. Figure it out. I really wouldn't mind leaving this world if I could just get it all straight in my head and heart.

A cinematic representation

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Bored. Yeah, so what else is new.

like everyone else, I get bored.
When that happens, I get silly. I have done so many stupid things in my life in order to keep ennui at a distance that I am surprised that I haven't spent more time in the emergency room than I already have.

Some of the things done to prevent the onset of the doldrums:
Garbage diving while very drunk on Wray and Nephews overproof rum.
Climbing a seven story scaffold to pull down a sign.
Jumping out of an airplane. (I did have help with that one.)
Cliff diving at a place called the Devil's Hole near Bear Mountain state park. I also slid down a waterfall on the same day.
Bushwhacking through rattlesnake country in Yosemite.
Walking naked- well almost naked in sub zero temperatures in a winter festival in Japan.

Stupid, yet fun. That's what I am all about.

103

I took this test and I answered the questions as best as I could. Never expected this as the result.

Your result for The What's your sexual style? Test...TYPE P

You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, DOMINANT lover who prefers to give.

This means that:

You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There's no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren't afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you're never boring.

You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you've read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you're good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won't be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don't hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover.

You tend to be dominant in bed, so you prefer to be the one giving the orders than taking them. Maybe you like the power, or just like controlling the pace, perhaps your partner likes to be dominanted, or maybe you get a kick out of the whole master/slave relationship, it could be something as small as liking to be on top during sex and tie up your lover to tease them, or it could be as kinky as them having to ask your permission to do anything at all. Either way, you are firm and you enjoy it!

You prefer to give than recieve. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I'm sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it's okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do!

WE SUGGEST YOU:
get into some slightly more hardcore fantasy territory. Go for bondage in a not so light and fluffy way and discover just what you really like. Want to play master/slave games? Want to be tied up or tie someone up, in just enough discomfort that they don't quite relax? Want to try a threesome? Maybe you'd even like to try out sado-masochism. It's your call. Whatever you do, unleash that kinky thing you've always really wanted to try and give it a go, you're a great lover, and you know it, up for anything, generous, imaginative, confident, and happy to go for what you want, so enjoy.

If you are bored you can waste some time finding out about your sexual nature.Take The What's your sexual style? Test at HelloQuizzy

More fool me.

I often sit and contemplate upon the value of my life. I really want and need to know if the things I'm doing are making a difference. Trying to make all of the aspects of ones existance balance out and positive is nigh to impossible. I like to evaluate myself by breaking things down into nice neat groups. The reality is that because they are indistinct and dependant on each other, the groups are almost never nice and neat.

My Health- Everything else hinges on this point. It may not be a source of happines, but without it life is certainly miserable. I think that there are four types of health. Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Sexual. I sometimes think of the final two as actually one, a bridge to the mental and physical aspects that binds them together.

My Marriage- I'm not going there....... My wife reads this blog!

My School- It might seem odd that I've given My shop a seperate space of it's own. It's easy to explain; I have always thought of it as my child, I'm just trying to raise it. The school is a conglomeration of personalities and is influenced by every person who enters it's doors.

My Work- Although I am a teacher, I believe or like to believe that my work extends beyond the boundries of the classroom. As a part of society, I believe that we are all working together, whether we want to or not, to shape the world on many levels.

My Social life- I'd have to say that this is the one aspect of our lives where we have the most control. We are able to choose the the activities we engage in, the people we accept into our lives and the amout of time and energy that we are willing to devote to pastimes. As for me I think that I have a pretty poor social life and I've got a gazillion good reasons for it. I hate lookingt at this part of my world because it makes me look like a hermit.

This is by no means a complete list nor a deep evaluation. I'm posting a blog entry, not writing a book.

How did I get here from there?

Sitting alone one somewhat sunny day, thinking about where I am and how I got here, led me on one of those faster than light trips through my memories. I'm talking about one of those internal free association moments that allow you to track back into your past and recall all the insignificant things that are linked together and have somehow placed you in the existence that you find yourself in at the present. I'm not going to try and recall everything I saw, that would be impossible, but I would like to talk about all the different kinds of jobs I've had in the past.

1. 
   The first thing I ever got paid to do was to walk a neighbor's dog. A huge Alaskan malamute that would drag me up and down the streets like something out of a Bugs bunny cartoon. ー I lasted two weeks and earned $10.
2. Aside from doing seasonal work such as shoveling snow and cutting grass. there was a hiatus of about five years before I landed my next “real job”. Sorting greeting cards and serving soft ice cream for a card shop and candy store on Broadway. I got to eat as much ice cream as I wanted (when the boss wasn't around) I remember sticking my head under the serving machine and gulping down mouthfuls of the stuff and the excruciating pain that followed afterwards. A good summer!
3. I followed that up with a job at a stationary store called ‘Menash’. The guys who worked in the art dept. were the best. (to Rod and Ralph, hope you guys are doing well).
4. I actually worked in an S&M/sex club when I was fifteen. I didn’t get paid, but I was allowed in and got free drinks for picking up the empties and cleaning the ashtrays-Whoa, was that an experience.
5. I worked as a delivery/stock boy at a pharmacy for about a year or so. Looking back I'd have to admit that it wasn't the best place for a teenager experimenting with ah... you know. The three guys I worked for we're really insane. Maybe they we're experimenting too.
6. At the age of 17 I started working in kitchens. The first joint I worked at was across the street from the museum of natural history. Great fun! The place was run by a gay man and a lesbian woman. They would both rail against the treatment of homosexual whenever their friends were in the shop. The best memories I have of the place is of rolling the frozen cakes across the floor from the freezer to the display case to save time at the end of the night.
7. Night Manager of a Gelataria: A definite low point in the succession of positions I held. There were only two good things about the place. 1- I learned to handle and groom a really beautiful food, to this day whenever I see a messy tub of gelato I feel like straightening it up. 2– Andy Warhol came in one night, struck up a conversation and ordered the coolest “sundae” we had. He then proceeded to feed it to his dog and he took pictures of the whole episode. Man! I put my heart into making that thing.
8. Was a bouncer at the Palladium, a disco near Union square. Got to see all the beautiful people at their worst. Not the cool job I thought it would be and it ruined my ability to walk into a club and just have fun. I also did security work for another club called 10:18 and for the New music seminar. On the positive side, these jobs put me on the road to pacifism by taking the fight out of me, literally.
9. I actually worked for a place called Coca Cola clothes. The clothing was crappy, but the people I worked with were tons of fun.
10. Christopher’s on Columbus. Selling ob jet d’art and making silk flower arrangements. I’ll never figure out how I went from smacking drunks in the head to playing flitty salesman.
11. Back to the kitchens– became an expediter at The American café a restaurant in Rockefeller Center. Loved that job. learned tons about professional cooking. Helping out on the line was totally frantic and exciting.
12. For the next couple of years I floated from place to place doing anything that would pay me a buck– Waiting tables, working a coffee and juice bar, house painting, packing boxes, furniture refinishing, etc.
13. Bar-Backing at the Raccoon Lodge was the coolest place I have ever worked. A hopping place with plenty of girls and an amazing amount of interesting folks to talk to. The man who owned the place, Gary (R.I.P. my friend), Knew more about creating the best drinking atmosphere than anyone I have ever met. He was truly one of a kind!
14. My final place of employment in N.Y. was as a Bartender at a Tex-Mex bar & restaurant called the Border café. The Owner was a sneaky little bastard. you had to chase him down for your paycheck and insist that he cash it at the bar ’cause if you took it to the bank, the damned thing would bounce harder than the bed springs at a hot sheet hotel.

Of course this is not a complete list and a lot of stories are hidden between the lines. Eventually I’ll have to write about the things I’ve done here in Japan and the reasons that provoked me into choosing this country, but those memories are for a different day. Maybe I’ll tell you all the reasons I got fired or quit. That might be interesting