June 20, 2006

Rubbery yardstick

How do you know if you're doing the right thing?
What signs do you look for?
Comparing ones life to others is futile 'cause no one shows their true face.
I was having a great weekend, busy, but I felt that I was in tune with the world around me.
One of those times when the vibes are good and all your choices are made without any real concious effort. Today I feel as if I'm on the other end of the spectrum. Actually it started yesterday. Nothing I did seemed to turn out right and the harder I tried, the worse things became.
I hate to say this, but I'm giving up. I am tired and disgusted of trying to make things right. I've done my best for a long time and I don't feel that the effort is worth it anymore. I have responsibilities, and I'll live up to my promises, but beyond that I will not venture. I believed for a long time that if you strived to create a peaceful environment around you, that you'd be making deposits in the karma bank. The more you saved the better the return on your investment. I've come to believe that those ideas are truly a bunch of bullshit.
People will attack you without warning. Their one purpose in life is to bring you down and make you feel like crap. That's how they get their kicks. I've wasted enough time waiting for things to come together and I find it impossible to believe that if I continue on the road I'm travelling, that things will get better.
Maybe I'm a fool to have believed that happines could be attained by catering to other people's needs and doing your best to remove anger from your life. I thought that complaining about things never made them better and that if you praised and supported people, they would rise up to their true potential and maybe help you do the same.
Unfortunately things just don't work that way. I realize how negative this all sounds, but I feel that I'm just being realistic. I reckon that looking at things pragmatically may not have the most positive impact on my life, but it will get rid of any ridiculous expectations and false hopes.

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