A truly horrible human being

The prince of prevaricators, a deacon of deception and a whore of hellacious proportions.
I forced myself to look into the mirror (literally) for as long as I could and was disgusted by what I saw after after a fairly brief interval of time. I have so many shortcomings as a husband, son, brother friend and employer that I cannot even consider allowing myself to accept the labels that those nonclemanture bequeath.
I constantly tell people what they like to hear rather than what I truly think because I don't have the inclination to justify my opinions. No longer do I make any effort to improve life at home for I am exausted by the futility of such endeavors and whatever complaints my family make to me are simply rejoined with "You are so right, that is unfair"
I honestly don't give a shit about anything anymore. I maintain politeness and try to get by without making any waves.
Castrated and ineffecual I find solace in solitary contemplation and an alcoholic fog.
I lack the will power to pick myself up out of the mire I have created and divert the energy to more ambitious and positive projects.
The constant physical pain I experience, although neither excruciating nor terribly debillitating has turned me into a pill popping moron.
All of my energies of late have been spent improving the facade and not the soul. I make certain that I excell everyone's expectations of how I should appear. I seem dutiful, caring, attentive well groomed and disgustingly cheerful, but an x-ray would reveal a cancer of unhappiness, anger and despair.
Forty two winters. forty two verdant springtimes, sultry summers and melancholy autumns.
I think I could have done it better....