April 10, 2006

Anger

I have been goddamned pissed off for quite some time and there seems to be no end in sight. Every lousy self help, howdy doody, marriage counseling book I read gives me the same old rigmarole. Bullshit!
Women are not necessarily more sensitive to the world around them and you can't make someone love you by loving them first. Argghhh! I wanna puke. I'm trying to straighten out my life. I'm doin' all I can to become a better person, a good man. I have always- ok, almost always left the toilet seat down and I do everything in my power to make our marriage the most pleasant stress free environment that I can. I guess I'm just not very good at it nor am I a decent enough human being. Believe that anger doesn't go away. You have to change it into something else. The same thing goes for love as well, it doesn't disappear, it turns into apathy then disgust. The problem I'm trying to figure out is how I've reconfigured my emotions and 'why is that I am so dissatisfied with my life. I'm going out to buy a pack of cigarettes and I intend to tie one on tonight!

2 comments:

J.Gandolfini said...

marriage is the hardest thing to survive, but take it from me sweetie, you have the greatest marriage any two people can have. You're both alive, well and still love one another and that's important. Stop trying to make what's already great better. Ease up on expectations, they'll only disappoint. Take each day as it is and then at night,when you both retire, look at her, whether she's awake or asleep and feel blessed that she's there with you. Life is full of tests, and we survive each one knowing the other is still holding your hand. Stop reading the books,or searching places where you're not going to find it. She's right there, all you have to do is realize it. oh, and mom really liked the blog. She cried.

NYD said...

Good advice. I will have to think on it.
Let you know how things turn out