June 19, 2009

Well, whadaya know?

I'm playing guitar. (Not up to snuff)
Paying my dues at work. (I bet you do the same)
Keeping the students in line and good form. (Family is where you find it sometimes)
Walking the walk, getting in shape (Summertime and the livin' is easy...)
Lookin forward to a BBQ. (Add your own rhetorical question)
Mostly wonderin where the hours that I keep stashed away disappear too.
I ain't too worried about where I'm goin. Just tryin' to make sense of where I've been.


It doesn't really matter how long you tread upon the earth. There are still mysteries to be uncovered, new facts to absorb and experiences that will cause you to re-assess the way you look the world around you. What is unexpected is new and interesting developments between couples who have been married for more than seven years and have hopefully survived the itch.

I give my wife as much respect and space as our humble abode will allow us. She gets to sleep late while I rat-a tap, tap at the key board or quietly strum my guitar. She wakes up to a fairly fresh pot of coffee and breakfast with a smile. She also indulges my whims and does her best to ignore the various peccadillo's that crop up from time to time. The occasional drink helps.

All in all we have as healthy a relationship as one can expect from two people living together that not only have grown up on different continents, but also speak different languages. Who have different views on culture, filial piety and aesthetic values.
Because we work together and share many of the same sports and activities we spend more time together than the average couple. I can't remember the last time I spent a whole day without being within earshot of her, so after almost a decade there aren't supposed to be any more surprises. Well, not any disturbing ones anyway...
But last week I discovered something deeply disturbing. Something so horrific that I tremble as I recall the incident for your consideration.

(Cue music: You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is
another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of
mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and
ideas. You've just crossed over into... the Married Zone. )

Last week we decided to dress ourselves up and go out for drinks, dinner and a movie, but not in that particular order. That in itself is not abhorrent, but what occurred as we were applying the final touches to our appearance is. I generally give the mastress of the house full reign of the bathroom mirror so she can do whatever it is that girls do to make themselves pretty for us.
I had finished dressing and had been waiting patiently for about forty minutes when I realized that I had forgotten to put on cologne. I surreptitiously slipped up to the mirror and it was a s I was reaching for my bottle of Paco Rabbane that I noticed she was trimming her eyebrows, hmmmm, interesting. It was then! There in her hands!! The offensive object!!!

What are you using to trim your brows?

What does
it look like?*

looks like a pair of scissors.

You're brighter than you look. I knew there was a reason I married you.

Um, Do you know what I use them for, where they've been?

Uh huh...

Well, alright then.

(* translated from the original Japanese)

But it wasn't alright. No, not at all. For the rest of the evening the same thought loitered at the perimiter of my thoughts and intruded upon every moment. Each time I looked at her: while driving downtown, buying tickets to the show, sharing a menu to order food, and clinking glasses as we approached inebriation-each laugh, every questioning look or smile was tinged with a patina of verdigis. The scissors hung in the air between us and will do so until I go out and buy her a pair of her own.You must understand. The offending tool is not your ordinary implement of death and destruction. They have been to a place and been used for a purpose that usually goes unmentioned.

I use them to trim my nostril hair.....The horror...The horror


Beth said...

A good marriage is all about sharing - and surprises! ;)
I'm wondering how your wife felt - she's the one who should have been somewhat disconcerted...
Great photos!

Kurt said...

I've been told that women make themselves pretty for other women, not for "us."

NYD said...

Beth~ She did know! That's what I found so weird!
Kurt~ My wife makes herself pretty for the world. It's a better world for it. (She is watching me type this.)

Grant said...

She's tainted now and you'll never be able to look her in the eyes again. Send her to me, and I'll give you a $5 gift certificate for Borders.

NYD said...

Grant~ You obviously don't know about my nose fetish. Make it $50 Baskin Robbins gift certificate and a part time job at the local Japanese restaurant and you'll have yourself a deal.

lime said...

LOL! sometimes mystery in a marriage is a good thing. ;)

Mona said...

O well..you might be trimming your nostril hair with it...and for all you know she might be trimming her...

Get her one of her own...

Serena said...

I'm not altogether sure where I've been, much less where I'm going. That's okay, though; the moment is fine with me. Those scissors -- yowzer! And -- and she KNEW? Yowzer! Girl's tough, you gotta give her that.:)

NYD said...

Lime~ Mystery = good. Unravelling mystery = Very good. Finding nose hair trimmer at the end of the rainbow = Not so good.

Mona~ Please, please don't tell me you were going to end that sentence with... toe nails.

SJ~ Glad to see we made contact on twitter and that pup is feeling better.

Note of elucidation: Went shopping for new rotery hair clipper yesterday. Wife recieves a package of eyebrow razors for Father's day!

Serena said...

Note to wife: Never use razors on eyebrows. They won't grow back right! Tell her to tweeze.:)

secret agent woman said...

Somehow I thought the scissors were going to involve something else. But hmm, yeah, get her her own scissors.

Anonymous said...

Since my mother left tons of those little ditties, would you like me to send you a few of them? Not that I need them to trim mine, I usually pull it out with a tweezer (cringing the thought), but they're not really needed. So if you want them and believe me now a days they can be really expensive I'll send them out to you both, remember it's nice to share, lol...
(I think UPS will ship)
Oh, I loved the pictures, you both look really great. Keep up the good workout and give her a great big hug from me.



Mona said...

Exactly! That's what...!

Megan said...

I don't get it. What's the big deal?

NYD said...

SJ~ She tweezes. She plucks. she razors and she snips and it's all quite unnerving to me. lol.

SAW~ Now what did you think a couple of middle class people would do with a pair of scissors?

Halvah~ Thanks, but it's quite alright. We went shopping for a rotary razor...
Hope you are feeling better.

Mona~ That's what I figured.

Megan~ If the thought of trimming your eyebrows with something that someone has stuck up their nose is cool with you then alrighty, but you might want to take a gander at my schnozola.

moi said...

I'm staring down the barrel of 15 years with the same man – NEVER would have thought myself capable of sitting still with the same person for 15 minutes, much less years. I guess it's all in the mix. And the breathing.

P.S. We have a long standing ban against either of us using the other's instruments of, uh, grooming.

P.S.S. I have that same GA Bulldawg's sweatshirt. The world is wide, but it's also deep. Go, Crispy!

The Grunt said...

You need some "his and hers" scissors.

secret agent woman said...

I thought maybe it involved the nether bits. Sorry.

And to the post after this one - what the hell?