Click to see gumby in the background.
I know it's true, because my wife agrees with me and she just don't lie.
Let me set the facts down for you..
1.) I live in Japanland and and make a bit of gelt from transforming gibberish into something that resembles the English language. Not the kind of language that most teenagers and rappers express themselves with, but a certain kind of English nonetheless.
2.) I quit smoking over a year ago and I pride myself on not having that unmistakable "holier than thou" stinky attitude that seems to infect any form of reformed dip-shit. You know who I'm talking about.
3.) I have this thing about "truth". Although I will prevaricate when necessary, fib in order to save someones feelings, stretch veracity to provide entertainment and tell a bald faced lie in order to protect those I love- I still got this thing about truth. I don't like bullshit. This is probably why I am a big fan of Penn & Teller.
My wife Crispy* got some translation work from JT (Japan Tobacco). They have a factory here in Lilliput and unfortunately for the people who work there it is closing down. A sad, but all to common occurrence nowadays. The people at the factory are going to England to show them how cigarettes are made in Japanland, so they put this multimedia presentation together and wrote the English on their own without any assistance. I actually like it when folks do this because I end up making some pretty decent cheese for correcting their creative sentence constructions and seriously silly syntax.
Usually I do this kind of work for research scientists who are attempting to publish their work in international journals. This time I was poring my efforts into a company whose products I don't like and definitely do not support, so correcting mangled statements whose mathematical proof was specious at best or were down right falsehoods made me feel just a little itchy.What made it fun was the amount of hilarity this report has produced. Crispy and I have been infected by the ridiculousness of things and are trying to ward off the lingering feelings of guilt with laughter and mockery.
I don't like doing this kind of work. The company is being both demanding and parsimonious, but a rat's gotta eat and like I said; this is a pretty big piece of cheese.
*Not her real name.
A realy cool blogger, X-Dell, who is not a whore, has put something together that will amaze and entertain you. Go check it out, now.