April 12, 2010

There and back again...Again

... ...Staring.

I sit; just staring at this screen trying to figure out the best way to get all the bullshit that's tangled up in my head, heart and guts unraveled and out into the open where it can be examined and an attempt to make sense of it can ensue.I guess one just has to start with the truth as it is and not as we see it...

My wife has left me and I don't believe she is coming back.

OK, so I put a little opinion in there, but the fact still remains that I have once again done something to make another person fall out of love with me. I am Crispy-less.Maybe I ought to have taken Tom Robbins' advice and told her I was going for Juniors cheesecake [WARNING: Obscure reference posted], but somehow I reckon that it wouldn't have made a difference.
I am gonna give this place another chance and see where the third version of this creation will take me.
Looks like were off on another adventure, The Misplaced Divorced man in Japan Ver: 3.0 ....Don't expect much. Unless I'm on a motorcycle it takes a ridiculously long time for me to get out of second gear...

See ya soon.

"And he sailed off through night and day, and in and out of weeks, and almost over a year to where the wild things are."


Beth said...

There’s so much I could say (and I’ve heard it all) that I’m not even going to try.
Just this – all the cheesecake in the world, burnt offerings or peeing out the window – aren’t going to make love stay.
Wear a life jacket while sailing. (i.e. try loving yourself, no matter what)

dianne said...

I am so sorry to read this dear NYD, I feel for you, you're hurting,you cannot function in a normal way, I know, I have been there but nothing I can say will make you feel any better at the moment ... I can't take the pain away, I don't know how I survived myself, I guess it all got easier with time, but it took a long time.
The cheesecake, the burnt offerings or peeing out of the window are not going to help.
Is there still a thread of hope, can you still communicate in a reasonable way, is there any chance of working through the problem? For if there is please try.
Take care my friend, as Beth has said 'try loving yourself', by this I mean you must really value whom you are and please take care of yourself, none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes but that does not make us any less human nor capable of being loved.
xoxo ♡

lime said...

i'm terribly sorry to hear it. i wish i had words that might make a difference. do what needs to be done for yourself to heal and to be at peace with crispy to the greatest extent possible and know there are folks who care. ((hugs))

NYD said...

Hi guys.
Thanks for all the heart-full words of support, but I am doing OK, at least as far as I can tell.
Crispy and I are still communicating and I do have some lingering hope that we can still be friends...or at the very least business partners.
The truth is that I pushed her away. She is an amazing woman to have endured all the crapola I dealt out over the past months and years. I also deserve a medal for doing all I can to make love stay...Love is at best elusive and at worst painful. If you find a way to make the selfish tendencies and human foibles make some kind of sense than you are a better person than I am.

Keep on reading the future posts and let me know what you think.

Serena said...

Oh, poor baby. I'm so sorry to hear about Crispy leaving. I know the turmoil you're feeling; been there, done that. It's hard, but it can also be a whole new beginning. We all have to make the best of the hand we're dealt, we all know that. It just takes time to have it make any sense. You know I'm wishing and hoping for the best for you. And you know, you've got your friends here if the going gets tough. Just give a yell, and here we are. You take care of yourself!

dianne said...

We're all here for you, so you know that someone cares. xoxo ♡

Kurt said...


secret agent woman said...

Oh, I'm sorry. There is just no such thing as a painless divorce but good for you for trying to stay friends. I think staying friends (and business partners) with my ex-husband turned out to be a really good decision for us.

bbw1957 said...

I once had a relationship with a person who was also my business partner. At first, I thought it would be easy to separate the emotions from the partnership as he came and went when he wanted. We not only lived together,but worked together too. things went from bad to worse and I, emotionally took it out on him and called my little brother to come and get me. I couldn't stand seeing that he had gone on with his life without me and that I wasn't needed. I do pray and hope that this does not happen to you. Keep that emotional part separate the best you can. Remember you started as friends and it took a long time before becoming lovers, so keep those happier times in front of your memories and you'll find a better partnership with her. Never take the business away, it's the only way back to what you guys had once before. I'm keeping the fingers crossed for you both and if it doesn't work out to where you'd like it to be, then so be it and accept her for the individual she is. I know love hurts, and it does hurt a lot, but we get thru it and survive. She's a great person, wonderful at business and you know she'll be there no matter what as a friend, I think that's really important to remember. Good luck. Always remember, you have a home in another part of the world that's waiting for you. It's not the end of the world, just the beginning of another adventure.

Carla said...

Big hug! Been there, done that. It can be tough, but it will get better. Hope things look up for you soon.

Megan said...

I guess I should have read this one first. My bad.