It takes two to tango

I'm feeling a little stupid at the moment.
Not that that's an unusual event for me. Hey sometimes you're the flyswatter, sometimes the fly. For quite some time in my life I've been doing all I can to try and understand my wife. This is my second marriage and I really want it to work, so I read books, listen to her complaints, help out around the house, do all the things a good husband is supposed to do. I ain't happy. I ain't fuckin' happy at all.
I don't know what to do to get her to look at things from my point of view every once in a while. I try indirect conversation, direct conversation and NO conversation.
I am trying not to get upset about the way things are, but the straw is getting heavy and my back is feeling the strain. I believe that pretty soon, there are going to be some fireworks around here.
We work together and spend the entire day and night in each other's presence. That doesn't bother me all that much, but I feel like I'm being taken for granted when I wake up before her, occasionally make b-fast for us, work a full day, come home & cook dinner, wash the dishes, do the driving, help out with the chores. yadayadayadayadayada...
I know that Crispy is doing what she thinks is her best. That's where I'm having trouble. How do you tell someone that their "best" just ain't cutting the mustard. This couldn't be happening at a worse time. We are trying to start something really spectacular. A project that will give us the ability to become financially stable and happy. I like the challenge and the work, but there's a whole lotta stuff that truly needs to be taken care of before we find true satisfaction in our home life. I sound so damn girly and whiney, don't I?