I haven't spent my life living in the penumbra.
It is amazing to me that in this modern day society, especially here in Japan, that there still exist pockets of isolation where time, even if it hasn't stopped, has slowed down to a reasonable pace.
The past ten days of my life have been spent in a place where I had very little electronic connection to the world. I thought I would be grateful for the retreat from the everyday business of being me.
Yet something quite the opposite occurred. I discovered that I could be doing something I absolutely love to do and be miserable. Spend time with people that are so very precious to me and still be completely alone or behaving poorly. I have, in the past, written about similar circumstances, yet I feel that this time I am really in the crapper and fouling things up for others.I have come to realize that we often do not know what is best for ourselves. Before people start calling me Billy Milligan; it's safer to put that last sentence into the first person singular, which is exactly what I shall do: I often do not know what is best for me.
When you are driving along and you discover that you made a wrong turn, it's usually easy enough to correct your course and get back on track even if you have been travelling in the wrong direction for quite some time.
A few voiced expletives and a turn of the wheel and you are on your way. I wish it were that easy with the ship we steer through life.
Right now I feel like my compass is broken and my rudder all wonky and the crew malevolently planning a mutiny. Ok, ok, so I am stretching things a bit and acting like a drama queen, ti's true. What I am trying to get at is how I can find my center again? Ironic that the title of this blog has become so apropos.
What would Gumby do?