May 11, 2009

Black Hole

Yes, I understand that this is a picture of an eclipse.
I haven't spent my life living in the penumbra.

It is amazing to me that in this modern day society, especially here in Japan, that there still exist pockets of isolation where time, even if it hasn't stopped, has slowed down to a reasonable pace.
The past ten days of my life have been spent in a place where I had very little electronic connection to the world. I thought I would be grateful for the retreat from the everyday business of being me.
Yet something quite the opposite occurred. I discovered that I could be doing something I absolutely love to do and be miserable. Spend time with people that are so very precious to me and still be completely alone or behaving poorly. I have, in the past, written about similar circumstances, yet I feel that this time I am really in the crapper and fouling things up for others.I have come to realize that we often do not know what is best for ourselves. Before people start calling me Billy Milligan; it's safer to put that last sentence into the first person singular, which is exactly what I shall do: I often do not know what is best for me.
When you are driving along and you discover that you made a wrong turn, it's usually easy enough to correct your course and get back on track even if you have been travelling in the wrong direction for quite some time.
A few voiced expletives and a turn of the wheel and you are on your way. I wish it were that easy with the ship we steer through life.
Right now I feel like my compass is broken and my rudder all wonky and the crew malevolently planning a mutiny. Ok, ok, so I am stretching things a bit and acting like a drama queen, ti's true. What I am trying to get at is how I can find my center again? Ironic that the title of this blog has become so apropos.

What would Gumby do?


Bear said...

NYD... I read often and rarely comment, but this time I feel I should.

I couldn't help but notice that on the lid of the 'crapper' is pasted a guide to its use. I think you'll find a similar guide to the 'use' of life... of course there's no lid to which it's stuck, but if you look I'm sure you'll find the help you need.

Good luck.


NYD said...

Bear~ Actually it's a guide as to the dos and don'ts of cleaning and maintenance. But all in all, your words still ring true.


Mona said...

If you ever have a chance to come to India, You will see that time has actually slowed down by about a century as compared to the rest of the world...

Megan said...

The 'read more' button does not appear to be working for me at the moment. Sob! Back later...

Aunty Belle said...

yeah, Megan an' me have same glitch--I cain't make the READ MORE button take me nowhere. HELP!

Ya has a family farm? What does ya grow?

NYD said...

Mona, dear~ Yes, but you are often so far ahead of the west in spirituality.

Megan~ Fixed the problem, kiddo. I sure hope that my template code hasn't gone wonky as well.

Aunty~ Sweetie it's a family farm so we grow just about everything on it. I'll see if I can dig up some old pictures. Only problem is for the last three years we have had major run ins with some right nasty caterpillars and a hoard of moths. YUK!

Beth said...

Gumby would ask Pokey but since you’re asking us, here’s my two cents: You might be searching in vain for your center. Sometimes that center takes a dramatic shift (for whatever reason) and you can no longer recognize your “self.”
Take it day by day. Look for new signs and guideposts.
I have. ;)

lime said...

get a new compass, a new map, a gps, stop, or and ask for's the humility to say "i know i am going the wrong way, what's the right way, maybe would you travel with me a bit to make sure i don't get lost again." a friend will walk alongside to help steady you a while and we all need that from time to time.

it's a difficult place you find yourself in. i wish you peace.

Dawn said...

I have no idea. Breathe maybe?

Kurt said...

There IS a guide to life, and it's a best seller too! It's called The Bible. Have you heard of it?

Mayden' s Voyage said...

I love how you tied "the black hole" to the image of the toilet- and then asked "what would Gumby do"?
If the plan involves robots, skip it :) Otherwise, I think he'd sit down with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk (sushi and beer are a fine substitute) along with his good friend (pokey?) and have a chat. Lime said as much :)

I have to remind myself that maps aren't just for showing me the right way- they are also for showing us whatelse is "out there". Most detours, even the unpleasnt ones, teach us something...and you are a fine example of what it means to be both a Student, and a Teacher.
(However, it's time for me to get a new compass too. I'm a bit weary of the path I'm on at the moment.)

I am so happy you were able to fix the "read more" button...I haven't been able to read more than a paragraph for a few weeks, but I thought it was me <3 (and my laptop died- blah!)

Thinking of you this week- and knowing I'm not the only one a bit wonky out there :)

Serena said...

I find myself off-track quite a bit these days, and my knee-jerk reaction is to do my best drama queen impersonation. Alas, it doesn't work so well, especially when I'm feeling like my whole life is a black hole. I just have to keep reminding myself that I always land on my feet. You will, too.

P.S. - What's that printed on the inside of the toilet lid? Does it come with instructions?

The Grunt said...

Buy a sports car. That's what my brother in law did and it pissed my sister off something fierce.

Mona said...

did you add to this post? coz the read more did not show more text lat time I was here!

It happens. Either we are behind or ahead of our times. while most do fit in too...

True...The title of your blog is very significant ironic coincidence to this post!

NYD said...

Beth~ That's something to think about, new signs and such.

That's advice worth more than two cents.

Lime~ Admitting I have problems isn't difficult for me. I am not so prideful or obstinate to ignore when trouble's brewing. Finding someone to help me unload and go for a walk is another story though.

Dawn~ I think I wiil envelope myself in work while I breathe.

Kurt~ I hope that this is an attempt at humor.

Mrs.C~ I hadn't considered robots, but the milk and cookies sound nice. Maybe the cosmos is out of whack and making some of us derail.

Sorry to hear about Kramer. You did real good by him.

SJ~ If it were a cat I would probably land on my feet, but I'm built like a bear and they don't fall as well.
I will do a follow up on the toilet seeing how interested people are about it.

Grunt~ If I bought a sports car my wife would steal it and take off with it. Hmmmm, that might be something to think about...

Mona~ I think that the people at Blogger might have changed something and now I have to go back into the template design and see if I can make things work right. Kinda like my life at the moment.

moi said...

Gumby bends. Words I need to take to my own heart, having just been thrown my own curve ball, one which I fear I'm ill equipped to catch. Hang tight, brotha, hang tight.

Allan said...

I can read more. And I can empathize plenty. Good luck with the turnaround.

Megan said...

Ok, I got the full monty this time. And now I'm not sure what to say, except that you are certainly not alone. Don't know that that helps much.

Gumby sure does bend, though.

Carla said...

What would Gumby do? What does he ever do? Stand there and smile? Good luck with it all.

Anonymous said...

I think the guide has to come from within, but we all (or, at least I do) have times when we have to be in turmoil and directionless. I'm there myself right now.

puerileuwaite said...

I think we should start our intervention by taking your Driver's License away. Too much freedom can be a bad thing. Next, we attach a plow to you, so that your struggles may always prove productive.

Anonymous said...

These may not be the words of wisdom you might want to hear, but when things got really bad for me out there and I felt the walls closing in on me, there was one place I always called to find some sort of path or solution...I called home. I know that the person I called is no longer here for me to turn to, but know that someone is there that might have a word or two for you...hint hint.

All in all life does have it's solutions and paths that can be taken to find a way thru a dark moment in your life, all you have to do is find that light and follow it. If it's still a bit dark, use a flashlight it sometimes helps.

always here for you