May 28, 2009

Gotta go score some Kleenex

For the last week I have had a cold.

It sucks!!

It sucks because the darned thing is just mildly annoying.
It doesn't really affect my performance at work and it doesn't detract from my ability to cognate. (at least I dont think it does.) What it does do is to is to wage a war in my sinuses and produce copious amounts of , of; uh, how do I say this to you, so that those who are eating or soon will be; won't be put off your meal?

Ah, hell, there is no way: snot, boogers, phlegm, goo, yuk, nasty, you name it. The only thing that hasn't come out of my nostrils is the hope diamond.

This time around most people were avoiding me because of the swine flu paranoia that has been spread though the nation by the health ministry and the media. But more often than not, whenever I have a cold everyone and their brother had a home remedy for me. "Mash up ginger root and beets then drink it down with hot water"-UGH! Gross "Tie a warm scallion around your neck"- Why do I look like; the jolly green giant? "Heat up some water and mix in honey cinnamon, cloves, star anise and a shot of whiskey"- That's more like it! At least if it doesn't work I won't mind the effects of the whiskey. Hmmm, better make that two shots.

Unfortunately what does happen is that my wife force feeds me some cold medicine from some mysterious box or bottle with curious indecipherable characters on the label.

That shit just fucked me up! I took two tablets and I was off to la la land. I was flying wild style around the school for half the day, Whew!

When rock bands come to japan they don't have to risk getting caught with illicit drugs all they have to do is go to the local pharmacy and score some cold medicine. That stuff was mad potent!


Megan said...


(Um, I mean, I'm laughing. I'm not actually snorting anything but air.)

Beth said...

There are days I could use some of that stuff your wife gave you - cold or no cold.
Feel better soon...

lime said...

worst rememdy that was ever suggested and i actually tried was a clove of garlic in a couple ounces of hot water and take it like a shot of whiskey. i got it down and then early threw it right back up.

yeah, go with whatever your wife is giving you that makes you stoned....and then share some with me. i don't have a cold but i could stand to be comfortably numb. feel better soon.

Grant said...

My Japanese teacher recommended grating fresh ginger into miso soup.

NYD said...

Megan~ If Horton can hear a Who then meg can snort a line. It's cool with me.

Beth~ No. Really, you don't want it . You will dress up as Pocahantas and start shootin arrows at all the great white explorers.

Lime~ The garlic only works on vampires. Now that they are sexy the up-chuck is very effective at keeping them away. that could be said for most oft the general public.

Grant~ That is an aphrodisiac. Your teacher obviously has the hots for you and desires immediate and prolonged love making sessions from you. Good luck!

Dawn said...

No! Garlic really works! Try it!

Kurt said...

Didn't the Beatles get in trouble with drugs in japan?

Spin said...

Why don't you try......just kidding. A cold is a cold and the damn thing just needs to run it's course. Hope diamond would be cool! giggle
Hope you're feeling better.

Mona said...

Getting a cold is sheer misery!

Only your nose exists...just like the picture you posted...

Cold medication can really 'cork' you up!

NYD said...

Dawn~ Are you tryin to protect me from vampires?

Kurt~ Didn't the Beatles get in trouble with drugs everywhere they went?

Spin It's runnin alright. It's runnin a marathon fer chrissake!

Mona~ No problem with corkage Mona. Everytime I sneeze I blow the "cork" out.

Serena said...

Aw, poor baby. I'm sorry you have a miserable cold, but I had to laugh at your description of the available remedies. I love that cartoon!

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