I went to the doctor earlier this week to find out just what the fuck is wrong with me; physically, not mentally. I have had a headache for almost two weeks and pain in the place where my kidney used to be I was bewildered as to the cause.
He put me in a MRI (Head was hollow), took my blood (I learned, once again, that I was not Vulcan), put the cold ass jelly on my lovely plush belly (Really, are 'six-pack' abs as cuddly as mine?) and tweaked the old ultrasound, checked me out from top to bottom (literally) and after ninety minutes or so of tests he told me that there was just no reason for the pain I was in.
So I'm sitting in the waiting room and the receptionist calls my name and gives me my bill...even with my coverage it's more than I can afford, so I says: "I ain't paying tis the doctor didn't do shit for me". Well after about five or ten minutes minutes of whispery argument she calls the physician out to settle the problem. He doesn't have time to deal with me and is pretty adamant about me paying my bill, but I still refuse. finally after a rather protracted and subdued "discussion" catered to the feelings and needs of the other patients in the room, the doc gets kinda flustered and in a frustrated and virulent voice blurts out, "You are an ASSHOLE, that's your problem!"
Well goddamn, Doc! You did have a diagnosis after all...
I paid my bill and walked out of the clinic, with more than a few profuse apologies to the staff and patients.
As I was walking to my car I realized that I could have saved the embarrassment and ignominy of the entire situation. Not to mention the hard earned cash I parted with.
My wife has been telling me the very same thing for quite a few years now...I shouldda listened to her a little bit more.