February 06, 2011

Politically Correct!

I went to the doctor earlier this week to find out just what the fuck is wrong with me; physically, not mentally. I have had a headache for almost two weeks and pain in the place where my kidney used to be I was bewildered as to the cause. 
He put me in a MRI (Head was hollow), took my blood (I learned, once again, that I was not Vulcan), put the cold ass jelly on my lovely plush belly (Really, are 'six-pack' abs as cuddly as mine?) and tweaked the old ultrasound, checked me out from top to bottom (literally) and after ninety minutes or so of tests he told me that there was just no reason for the pain I was in.


Hrumph!

So I'm sitting in the waiting room and the receptionist calls my name and gives me my bill...even with my coverage it's more than I can afford, so I says: "I ain't paying tis the doctor didn't do shit for me". Well after about five or ten minutes minutes of whispery argument she calls the physician out to settle the problem. He doesn't have time to deal with me and is pretty adamant about me paying my bill, but I still refuse. finally after a rather protracted and subdued "discussion" catered to the feelings and needs of the other patients in the room, the doc gets kinda flustered and in a frustrated and virulent voice blurts out, "You are an ASSHOLE, that's your problem!" 
Well goddamn, Doc! You did have a diagnosis after all...
 I paid my bill and walked out of the clinic, with more than a few profuse apologies to the staff and patients.

As I was walking to my car I realized that I could have saved the embarrassment and ignominy of the entire situation. Not to mention the hard earned cash I parted with.

My wife has been telling me the very same thing for quite a few years now...I shouldda listened to her a little bit more. 

9 comments:

dianne said...

So why did you have the headache and the pain where your kidney used to be? Telling you you're an asshole is not a diagnosis and not an answer.
If you are serious about these symptoms then I would get another opinion, maybe you are stressed, maybe you need to relax more!

xoxoxo ♡

Kurt said...

Ah, doctors. When they don't know what's wrong, they usually tell you it's in your mind.

NYD said...

Dianne: The headaches are most probably from stress, but there was nothing He could find. The other pain is still causing me some concern. To be fair, I was quite free with the translation of the word 馬鹿 it can mean foolish, stupid, idiotic or asshole. but I WAS being a dick about the whole thing. lol!

Kurt: At first he thought so and offered me some drugs to help me relax, but the last time I took 'em they made me even more obtuse than I usually am, so I declined. I'm starting to think I was mistaken...I am allowed to drive on medication, but not alcohol.

lime said...

gotta love when they throw up there hands and have no effin idea. i do hope you get some actual answers and relief though.

Grant said...

But being an asshole feels good. I think he misdiagnosed. Definitely go for a second opinion.

Serena said...

Clearly, the doctor was absent the day they did the sensitivity/bedside manner seminar. Schmuck. In all seriousness, though, I concur with those who recommend a second opinion. SOMETHING'S causing your pain. Feel better!:)

Allan said...

Used to be?

NYD said...

Lime: The doc. is a pretty good guy. I guess he was just stymied about the whole thing. At least he's honest.

Grant: Nope. He didn't misdiagnose...I am an asshole. lol

Serena: He was just treating me like the petulant child I was. When he called me a fool, I really could hear a hint of care and tenderness in his voice. lmao!

Allan: Had a nasty run in with a gang of cancer cells about ten years ago. It was the classic: "Your kidney or your life" scenario. They got the organ, I kept my existence...

Mona said...

I am totally satisfied with the moral of this story!